Domina Gray's Blog |
But it's not just about finding someone—building trust and connection from the start. Before you jump online, here's a list of Play roles, relationship types, and sexual orientations you need to be familiar with. (I organized the list of relationship types and sexual orientations alphabetically.)   Dating SitesRegular Dating Apps:
Kink-Centered Platforms:
🔥 How to Create a Kink-Positive Dating Profile That Attracts1. Be Clear About Your Relationship Type(s) & your Sexual Orientation (Use the list from my Blog)
2. Say What You're Looking For!
3. Use Recent, Filter-Free Photos
4. Write an Engaging Bio That Says Something Real
🔥 Now that your profile is Ready Let's talk about what to do when you get a Match!1. How to CUT out Catfish Account:
🥄The Spoon Test (Silly, But It Works!) This one is lighthearted but surprisingly effective. If you want to make it more playful, tell them to do it with 3 pieces of silverware between their fingers and call it the Wolverine test to cut through catfish accounts. Caption example: "Hey, I know this is kinda weird—but could you take a mirror selfie in your bathroom with a spoon next to your face, just like I did here? 🥄 There are so many fake profiles out there, and I would like to verify them before we get too deep. I'll do the same!" (Bonus: People who are real AND have a sense of humor will actually enjoy this.) 🎥 Video Vibe Check This one's perfect for voice and presence cues—and filters can't hide energy. Video Script Example: "Hey [Their Name], I'm sending this video to show I'm real—hope you'll return the favor. My name is [Your Name], and I noticed [something specific you liked about their profile—maybe their style, a book they mentioned, or a pet]. Could you send me a quick intro video, too? Maybe you could tell me what stood out about my profile that made you swipe/match with me—and say my name so I know it's personal." 2. Quality Over Quantity
3. Avoid Leading With Your Kinks
4. Be Honest About Your Body—It's a Part of Consent When dating—especially in kink—it's not just about who you are; it's also about what you have a right to know. That includes:
This isn't about shame or judgment—it's about safety, informed consent, and building trust from the start. "If you're not ready to be honest about your body, you're not ready to play—and that's okay. But honesty must come before intimacy. Period." Being upfront doesn't mean broadcasting everything to strangers—it means being ready to share the correct info with the right person before things get physical. They don't deserve your vulnerability if they can't handle your truth. 5. Mention Your Communication Style
6. Don't Be Afraid to List Boundaries Up Front Boundaries protect your energy and attract the right people.
7. Invite Engagement - Fun Questions to get the conversation going! Ask a playful question or drop a fun prompt to make it easy for others to message you. Fun, Discreet Questions, and dating questions to cultivate trust and spark deeper conversation. To test the waters, here are a few playful and revealing questions you can ask while flirting online:
Practice Active listening. Ask about your partner's needs, desires, and boundaries. Let them speak freely without judgment. Mutual curiosity creates safety—and safety is sexy. 8. Feeling the vibes? If so, Let's get into the kinky stuff! But we can't get kinky without CONSENT! Consent Doesn't Come From Curiosity "Sharing your fantasies or kinks isn't an invitation—it's information. Consent is always required. Here is an example of what you can say before you express your fantasies: Consent is always required. Just because I express what I'm into doesn't mean I'm inviting you to do it right now—or ever. I need a connection before I go that deep. If we can build trust by doing XYZ first, then maybe we can explore more from there—but only if I feel safe and comfortable. Kink is layered, and rushing into my fantasies without my consent isn't dominance—it's disrespect. If you say this, they don't respect the boundary you set. RUN! You can create a personal "desire list" that includes:
9. BDSM LOVE LANGUAGE SELF-DISCOVERY TEST Use Tools to Learn Each Other Try my BDSM Love Language Self-Discovery Test, a resource built for Dominants and submissives to explore how they give and receive care, affirmation, control, and more. It's fun and revealing and can kickstart deeper conversations. BDSM Love Language Self-Discovery Test: https://www.dominagray.com/blog/the-bdsm-love-language-self-discovery-test 10. SSC SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual Isn't Optional—It's the Standard. If you're entering the world of kink, you need to understand this foundational principle: Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) isn't a suggestion—it's a baseline. That includes being upfront about substance use. Whether it's legal, medical, or recreational--your partner deserves to know. Yes, having a drink on a date might take the edge off. But overconsumption, especially before or during play, is dangerous. It lowers inhibitions, blurs judgment, and creates situations where consent isn't given—or received. You might push a boundary, ignore a safe word, or say yes to something you wouldn't sober. If you're not sober, you're not in control—and kink without control isn't play; it's a risk. Kink should be explored with a clear head, open communication, and mutual respect. So remember: SSC means you don't play intoxicated. Period. Final Note: Always prioritize communication and consent. Building a relationship where both partners feel safe and respected is the key to a fulfilling dynamic. 🚫 If Someone Judges You for Being You...UN-MATCH. BLOCK. DELETE. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your truth. If someone mocks your boundaries, questions your identity, or makes you feel small for expressing your needs? They're not your person. You deserve respect, not tolerance—alignment, not judgment. The connection is not convincing. "If someone judges you for being YOU—un-match, block, and delete. Period." In dominance, Domina Gray
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